With the market crash, the real estate bust, and the economic downturn, haven’t you been through enough turmoil over the last decade already? You don’t need your relationship to fail too! In order to prevent this, start thinking of “Money Talk” as spice to an intimate relationship. Not only that, but your financial freedom, your intimacy, your happy future and all your dreams are doomed if you cannot commit to this way of talking about money!
But continue reading… there is GOOD NEWS!
* Imagine having powerful productive money conversations where you could resolve money issues, eliminate your concerns, and design your heartfelt dreams.
* Imagine being prepared for any money issue you might encounter.
* Imagine spending more quality time together doing more of what you LOVE!
* Imagine the intimacy you could have if you were on the same page, secure, and confident about your future.
So how do you get there? You must start by having honest conversations about your money situation and your future. Now, this may be hard to do at first, especially if you blow up into a big fight or break out in tears every time you bring up the subject.But you CAN do it. And here are four secrets to help you get started with powerful money conversations.
Commit to 3 Money Talk goals!
#1 Commit to Solutions not Blame
If you want to break through your financial heartache and transform your relationship, you must be willing to take 100% responsibility for your situation.Blaming has no space to exist! No blame to your partner; no blame to the economy; no blame to yourself! Taking full responsibility means looking objectively at the situation, finding your role in it, and looking for solutions to change it.In addition to taking full responsibility, if you want to rekindle your relationship, and rediscover the person you fell in love with, than you also need to assess your level of willingness to do whatever it takes to change.
#2 Have Regular, Structured, CONSISTENT Money Meetings
Once you’ve decided to step up to the plate in your relationship and your life, the next step is to schedule a regular time to have a money meeting. Schedule a one hour meeting at a time and place that you won’t be interrupted or distracted. I call this your ‘sacred money time’. Start this first meeting by having fun, sharing money stories and talking about the things you love about money.Don’t start right in on the heavy stuff, you probably don’t have the skills to do this in an empowering way (yet).But keep in mind, being consistent is the key. Consistency allows you to build trust in each other. You can rebuild trust and become disciplined by following through and keeping your commitment to the meetings. You see, it’s not that your partner is untrustworthy (that would be blame, right?), it’s that YOU may be untrustworthy. Okay, okay, don’t stop reading now, I’m not trying to offend you, really. Of course you’re trustworthy in many ways, but are you trustworthy in the money & relationship area?
Being trustworthy means:
1) Following through with what you say you’ll do,
2) Your actions are aligned with your words, and
3) Your life is a reflection of your true hearts’ desires and intentions.
The world sees YOU by your ACTIONS, not by your intentions.
If your behavior is not reflective of your intentions, then you are not living your ideal life.
You see, every time you ignore your money issues, every time you say you’re going to save then you don’t, and every time you ignore that voice that tells you you’re overworking…you are being untrustworthy. Find the courage, find the internal strength to look at what’s truly most important to you and DO IT.Keep a Structured Meeting. The meeting structure should be the same every week, even using an agenda and taking notes. Taking notes of your ‘Open Issues’, your resolutions, and your action steps will help each of you recognize each others’ feelings, look deeper into the problem and discover new ways of working together toward creating your ideal life. If you build a solid structure, you can have these conversations and still love each other, respect each other, and take your relationship to new levels.It’s important to end the meeting at your agreed upon time, because you don’t want these meetings to drag on and on. You don’t want money issues billowing up all week and exploding at random times. Having your consistent meeting times will be the treasure chest for your money decisions, reflections and conversations.
#3 Work Together Toward Your Goals
With your money meetings in place, now you can begin to discuss more interesting things like creating a wealthy and adventurous life together. Once you start discussing and solving your immediate money issues, the idea of creating what you want becomes more intriguing. What would you be doing, right now, if you knew it would make your relationship extraordinary? No matter what you answered to that question, I must ask, why aren’t you doing it already? Maybe you’ve never stopped and thought about what you really want. Maybe you’ve never taken the time to design a life that would make you truly happen. Isn’t it time? Together, you can now start setting long term goals and create small 1-year and 6-month mile-markers that move you closer to your ideal life.Draw a picture together of what you want your ideal life to look like. Imagine it. Draw it. Discuss it. Create it.The clearer you are on what you REALLY want your life to be, the higher chance you have of achieving it.Once that picture is clear, now you can create a money plan to get you there. Starting with 6 month increments, you can watch your life change by working together, saying ‘no’ to your short-term desires, and creating an extraordinary relationship…right now.
Once you’ve decided to step up to the plate in your relationship and your life, the next step is to schedule a regular time to have a money meeting. Schedule a one hour meeting at a time and place that you won’t be interrupted or distracted. I call this your ‘sacred money time’